


Forgiveness

by UmiHinode



Series: The Story is Eternal [10]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Drama, Family, Friendship, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16135973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiHinode/pseuds/UmiHinode
Summary: After all, running away was all he was good at.





	Forgiveness

When Masaomi had heard the news that  _he_  was still alive, his anger was understandable.

As he watched his best friend put a gun to his head, powerless to do a thing to stop him, he swore that he'd never forgive the one behind it all. There was no explanation for Mikado's change in behavior other than that he had been manipulated. Mikado had admitted it himself, that Izaya had gotten into his head, the idea that in order to escape his mundane everyday he'd have to constantly evolve an unrelenting weight on his shoulders.

Almost two and a half years had passed since that horrifying night, and Masaomi had been given plenty of time to think. His yellow scarf had been lost to the vast blue sky, leaving him with nothing to keep him from visiting Mikado every day until he was released from the hospital. He had expected his friend's return to normalcy to be something of a process, taking time and requiring a true return to his everyday life as a student, not as a boy who only existed within the blinding white walls of the hospital. Evidently, being saved by the Black Rider and being stabbed in order to protect Anri must have served as a wake up call.

When he looked at Mikado during those few weeks, he could only see the little boy that had followed him without question. No matter how late it was at night, no matter what punishment or danger he'd face, Mikado always tiptoed downstairs, quiet as a mouse, to join Masaomi on whatever adventure he could come up with.

Maybe that was why he had invited Mikado to go to Raira with him, because he knew Mikado wouldn't tell him no.

Maybe he was just lonely. Without Saki, without Yatabe, without the Yellow Scarves, who was Kida Masaomi other than an empty shell? He was built of guilt, of fear, trapped in a living hell that he had caused, that he couldn't bring himself to fix. He resolved to leave everything behind him, everything except the one tie he couldn't bring himself to sever.

He had needed Mikado. He still needed him. As the threat of losing his childhood friend loomed over him, he realized that he couldn't even imagine a world without him in it. How could there be a world without Mikado's awkwardness, his determination, his kindness, and his criticism of Masaomi's jokes?

There were three people he couldn't live without: Mikajima Saki, Sonohara Anri, and Ryuugamine Mikado.

And he had failed to save all three of them from Orihara Izaya, the root of all evil in Kida Masaomi's world.

As he sat surrounded by the most important people in his life, there were no words to describe his emotions aside from pure fury, all because Izaya had entered his orbit. Masaomi had found himself dragged by Mikado and Anri to the Kishitani-Sturluson Christmas hot pot party along with Saki, though he couldn't complain at first. The company, albeit strange, was comforting. Of course, until Izaya showed up.

Everyone in the room went silent, and it was almost haunting, to have so much noise disappear so quickly, all with the arrival of one man. With the chatter slowly began to pick back up in the form of whispers, Shinra let out a defeated sigh. "Come on everyone, it's Christmas. I know it might be hard, but let's all get along."

Masaomi caught Saki smiling as Izaya looked her way, and he bitterly grumbled to himself, "As if I'd ever get along with that bastard. Why is he even here?"

"Masaomi," Saki chastised softly, her tone of voice one he had grown all too familiar with.

Masaomi hung his head. "Sorry. I just...wasn't he dead?" Lifting his head, his gaze wandered in Shizuo's general direction. "Besides, with Shizuo here, was inviting him really a good idea? We might have to get out of here."

Saki reaffirmed her grip on his hand, that smile still on her face. "Let's just see how things play out."

Masaomi wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his eyes off of Izaya the whole night, but sure enough, it was rather easy to become distracted, between focusing on his friends, eavesdropping on the loud, inane conversations that filled the room, and of course, enjoying the food.

What was impossible to ignore was Shizuo and Izaya greeting each other peacefully.

Kadota choked on his drink, Erika's screams were thankfully muffled by Walker, and once again, the noise level of the room fluctuated from shouting and laughing to curious whispers.

_What the hell?_ "Saki, pinch me."

She did.

"Dammit."

. . .

"I think I want to go see Izaya-san."

Saki's voice was quiet, hesitant. It had a softness to it that Masaomi hadn't heard in some time, reminding him of that hollow girl confined to her hospital bed, with a false smile and a mind filled only with thoughts of the man who manipulated her. He would have placed the blame on it being early in the morning, and her having just woken up, but he knew that wasn't the case. She sounded so far away from him, and how that scared him.

Masaomi laughed in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"

Though they had been able to occupy themselves for the rest of the party, it wasn't an easy task to do in the following days. Saki had clearly spent some time thinking about this. She had become so straightforward after finally breaking free from Izaya's control that Masaomi almost thought he was dreaming again, hearing the reluctance as she spoke.

"I almost didn't tell you," Saki continued, facing him with a crooked, uneasy smile. "I knew you'd get upset. But I want you to trust me."

"I do," Masaomi replied, grasping for her hand. "It's not about you. It's about him."

Saki giggled. "I know. I just want to make sure you know that I know what I'm doing." Her smile began to fade as she continued, her typically carefree eyes solemn in reflection. "Izaya-san isn't the greatest person, but he saved me when I needed someone the most. He took advantage of me, and I can see that now, but it doesn't change the fact that he helped me at first."

"Do you forgive him?"

"Mostly," Saki said. "You saw him. He seems different, like he's trying to fix his flaws, just like us."

With a dramatic sigh, Masaomi leaned over and rested his head on her shoulder. "Well, you know I can't tell you no. If you think you should see him, you should."

Smiling, Saki leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I will. Later, though. Someone still has to make breakfast..."

"Why make breakfast when I can lay in the embrace of a girl as beautiful as you?"

"You wouldn't want a girl this beautiful to starve to death, would you?"

"...Point taken."

. . .

If anyone was going to know where to find Izaya, it was Mikado. That alone was enough to Masaomi uneasy, but he couldn't deny Saki's right to make her own decisions. If Mikado wanted to keep in touch, and Saki had to see him one last time, he supposed he'd have to respect that.

Begrudgingly.

"Izaya-san's address?" Mikado echoed Saki's question, glancing from her to Masaomi, his puzzled gaze lingering on Masaomi. Masaomi could only shrug in return. With that as his answer, Mikado said, "I can ask him."

Saki innocuously glanced over his shoulder as he opened the chatroom's private mode, leaving Kururi and Mairu's antics and Masaomi and Saki's amused responses to fade to the background.

**[(PM) Tanaka Taro:** Izaya-san, if you don't mind me asking, what's your address?

**(PM) Chuuya:** Who's asking?

**(PM) Tanaka Taro:** Saki-san.]

Masaomi, curious himself, snaked around the two and repositioned himself beside Mikado, pressing his cheek up against Mikado's.

"Masaomi!" Mikado protested with a laugh, attempting to nudge him away. "If you're going to be nosy, at least be more like Saki-san."

Saki grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Mikado smiled at her before the new notification on his phone caught his attention. "I got it."

"Thank you," Saki replied, rising from her seat on her and Masaomi's bed. "This is something I have to do."

"Wait, you're going now?" Masaomi asked.

Saki nodded. "Well, he's in the chat, so he's probably in need of some entertainment." Masaomi rolled his eyes in response. "You two keep Kyo-chan and San-chan occupied."

"Good luck," Mikado and Masaomi called after her in unison.

As soon as Saki was out the door, they both logged out of the chat.

. . .

**[San:**?

**San:** They left.

**Kyo:** Without a word, too. Goodness, did I say something weird?

**San:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯]

. . .

Mikajima Saki was an enigma: always able to read others, yet no one could figure her out. Even Masaomi had a difficult time reading in to that plain smile, those clouded, far off eyes, and she supposed they understood each other better than anyone.

Including herself.

If Saki was incomprehensible to everyone around her, then she was just as mysterious to herself. She supposed it was only natural after essentially being brainwashed. Izaya had been her everything, her savior, her god. Looking back, she couldn't help but laugh at how foolish she was, but had just barely been a middle schooler; there was really no way for her to know better, especially when she had nothing to lose. Izaya had pulled her from the darkness and into the light. Even if that light had been nothing more than an illusion, she was still thankful.

Without Izaya, she would have never found her true light.

Despite knowing he'd be furious, Saki had to see Izaya; she knew this much. How she felt otherwise was a complete mystery, though a bit of anxiety tugged at her chest as she stood outside his door. After a moment's hesitation, she knocked.

Apparently she wasn't the only hesitant one. Izaya had surely been waiting for her, and yet there was an uncomfortable pause between the knock and him opening the door.

"Saki-chan," he said lightly, almost taken aback. "Good to see you."

Saki bowed her head. "And you." When she lifted her head, Izaya gestured for her to follow him, and she closed the door behind her as she was greeted by this strange new atmosphere. She had almost expected to see his old apartment, a place she could have almost called home. She couldn't quite place it, but something was different.

After all, if there was anyone who could help her understand herself, it was Izaya. Once, they had been empty. Now, this apartment felt anything but empty.

Saki took a seat on one of the couches, and Izaya returned a moment later with a cup of tea in hand, setting it down on the coffee table in front of her.

"So," Izaya began, taking a seat opposite of her. "I see things are going well for you and Masaomi-kun. You're a second year now, right?" Saki nodded, silent as she sipped her tea. "I bet that's strange, being two years behind."

"Just a little," Saki murmured. "I wanted to do this, though. It's a little hard to make a living on just a middle school education."

Izaya smiled. "So it is." He paused for a moment before continuing, "I assume you're here to say you forgive me. You were always the forgiving type."

_Was I?_ Saki silently challenged with a smile. "Masaomi might think a little less of me, but it wouldn't sit right with me to hold a grudge." Izaya appeared to stifle a laugh. "I wanted to thank you, actually. For doing all you did for me."

"Really?" Izaya asked, more of a statement than a question.

Saki nodded. "But, that doesn't excuse you taking advantage of me."

Izaya finally released the laugh he had been clinging to. "Ah, there it is."

"What?"

"Nothing," Izaya replied softly, smiling to himself. "Don't mind me."

Perplexed, Saki continued. "Anyway, I'm done with you. I do think you've changed a little, but honestly, that doesn't matter to me."

"Harsh," Izaya murmured.

Saki's grin returned as she rose from her seat. "Thanks for the tea."

And just like that, she was gone.

Izaya laughed to himself once more as he retreated to his desk chair, spinning around and making himself mildly dizzy as he looked at his phone. He stared longingly at a photo of the twins he had stolen off of their social media with a forlorn smile, murmuring to himself, "Perhaps the children are smarter than the adults."

. . .

**[San:** Ew.

**Kyo:** What is it, San?

**San:** Something feels weird.]

. . .

Saki's silence was unnerving.

It wasn't that she didn't speak, it was simply that she had a prodigious talent for keeping quiet what she deemed unimportant. Once again, Masaomi was reminded of that aloof girl from the past. He almost couldn't stand it, but he said nothing himself. That smile of hers wasn't the defense mechanism the two of them had grown all too used to. And so, he didn't ask. He simply made them both cups of hot chocolate and put on the last Christmas movie of the season. He did his best impression of an American accent, Saki laughed, and all was well.

With not a word of Izaya spoken between them, Masaomi's anger was silent, festering only in the black of night.

All was well.

School reopened following the holiday, leaving both Masaomi and Saki occupied, between their studies and their part-time jobs. Masaomi and Mikado would be taking their college entrance exams incredibly soon, only adding to the workload. Almost all of their afternoons were spent in the library together as a result.

"I'm surprised you're studying so hard," Mikado joked. "Normally you'd be like, 'My charm and good looks will be enough!'" He added, trying his hardest to mimic Masaomi's voice.

Masaomi raised his brows, but smiled, somewhat proud of Mikado's honest attempt. "Normally I would, but reality's come crashing down."

"I'm proud of you," Mikado said, confident, though only for a moment. When Masaomi faced him, he immediately blushed. "It's just nice to see you on the right track...I got a little worried when you dropped out."

"Did you?" Masaomi replied with a smirk, and it took every ounce of self control he had to not torture Mikado more.

"N-Not that you're not smart or anything, or that I doubted you!" Mikado stammered, already beyond flustered. "I just..."

"You were just scared."

Both boys jumped at the sound of Saki's voice, and Masaomi let out an exasperated sigh once he caught his breath. "Saki, you really need to get better at warning us." With a giggle, Saki halfheartedly apologized. As she took her seat at their table, Masaomi teased, "Sorry, my ass," earning a rather dirty look from the librarian. If he had to count, he'd say this was at least the fifteenth time this had happened in the week since school had resumed, and he somehow hadn't been kicked out of the library yet, dragging poor Mikado down with him.

Softly, Mikado continued, brushing aside Saki's point with a deepened blush. "Still. I'm happy that we'll be going to university together."

_Hopefully._ Masaomi lamented. "You can't get rid of me just yet."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"You two are adorable," Saki murmured, and Mikado's newfound confidence was once again lost.

Raira University: so close, yet so far. What was nothing more than an unattainable dream just two years ago was suddenly on the brink of becoming reality. It was no surprise, really; the majority of students who attended Raira Academy moved onto its university. Even so, it was a big deal for a former juvenile delinquent. Back then, there were some days he never thought he'd see the sun again.

Of course, the Yellow Scarves had been harmless in the beginning. At first, Masaomi had simply taken on fights on his own. It was until he stepped in to help others that the gang was truly formed. Even then, their ties were loose. The name itself meant nothing, in general or for its members, being nothing more than a suggestion from a passerby.

Unease had begun to consume a young Kida Masaomi. People started to gather around him when all he did was fight. Were he hungry for power, he might have appreciated this, but he was nothing more than a middle schooler with free time on his hands and an uncanny ability to hold his own in a fight. All he wanted was a place to belong.

It wasn't until Izaya got involved that the unease evolved into a debilitating anxiety. For a while, he had been self-assured. With Izaya's guidance, he soon forgot that the Yellow Scarves was a place for him to belong, and it became the source of power he had wanted to avoid. With each victory, the gang's morale grew stronger. They were unbeatable, Masaomi believed. He was on cloud nine, and nothing could bring him down.

Nothing, except the violent screams reverberating through his ears. Sometimes, he could still hear them, and often in his dreams he remained paralyzed from fear, unable to run, just as it had been that night all those years ago.

He had no choice to run away again, is what he had thought as a beaten and battered Masaomi pulled Saki into his embrace following the fight with Horada. He couldn't face Mikado and Anri again; not after everything he had done. With the appearance of the Black Rider before him and his own resolve firm in his mind, Masaomi had accepted that he would die that night. With blood gushing from his head, dying his yellow scarf and trickling down the crowbar in his hand, he feared nothing. In this underworld he had trapped himself in, it was now kill or be killed. In a way, he applied the same logic to Mikado and Anri. He had to run.

After all, it was all he was good at. Kida Masaomi was nothing more than a coward.

_No matter what I become, I know Mikado and Anri will accept me. But... I still can't accept my own self from back then._

_"You can't get rid of me just yet?" Don't be ridiculous. He's the one who can't get rid of me._

_How pathetic._

As Masaomi carried on teasing Mikado, Saki's expression turned grim.

His silence was unnerving.

. . .

_You should go see Izaya-san._ Saki tried to say, but for the first time in a while, her voice couldn't be found. Masaomi was the reason she had gained the courage to speak, yet her words were swallowed up in silence.

_So this is how he felt with me._ She thought solemnly.  _Oh Masaomi._

"I'm surprised you haven't told me to go visit Izaya yet," Masaomi joked, completely oblivious.

Saki could only smile.

. . .

Perhaps against his better judgement, when Masaomi saw Shizuo wandering around late one night, he allowed his curiosity to get the better of him. His boss wasn't present, so he must have been out of work, just as Masaomi had just finished his shift himself. With the fear of his forehead being flicked so hard it knocked him backwards in the back of his mind, he decided to follow after him.

_I don't have to be too worried, right?_ Masaomi wondered.  _He's been kinda tame lately..._ With a nervous gulp, Masaomi raised his voice just enough for Shizuo to clearly hear him. "Shizuo-san!"

Shizuo stopped, turning to face him with his brows raised, eyes squinted in thought. "You're that Kida kid, right?" Masaomi nodded. "What do you want?"

His statement wasn't as brash as Masaomi had expected, and his relief seemed to only confuse Shizuo further. He opened his mouth and prepared to say aloud the words no one would have dare spoken until that moment. "I want to talk to you about Izaya."

Shizuo's response was simply, "Follow me." He didn't wait for a response, he simply continued walking, leaving Masaomi to trail behind him. He led Masaomi to an abandoned South Ikebukuro park, taking a seat on one of the benches and immediately reaching for a lighter and cigarette. Masaomi warily sat beside him, and Shizuo was mindful to blow his smoke in the opposite direction before speaking. "You gonna say something or what?"

"Sorry," Masaomi murmured. "I wanted to ask...how did you get over hating him?"

Hesitant, Shizuo went for his cigarette once again, allowing himself a moment to think. "Time."

Masaomi waited for him to continue, puzzled when he continued smoking. "Time?"

"Time and distance, I guess," Shizuo clarified. "Him leaving Ikebukuro gave us both time to think."

"You have been acting differently lately."

Pleased, Shizuo replied, "Exactly. Not to get all philosophical and shit, but you've gotta look inward."

"Seems like that's all I do." Masaomi laughed weakly.

"There's one fatal flaw you're overlooking, Masaomi-kun."

Masaomi and Shizuo both flinched, and neither had to turn their head. Shizuo grumbled, "Fucking hell, where did you come from?"

Izaya chuckled. "Would you believe me if I said I was just passing by?"

In perfect unison, Shizuo and Masaomi replied, "No."

Izaya shrugged their answer off, sauntering around the bench so he now stood in front of them, his hands resting in his jacket pockets, jacket blowing out behind him in the nighttime breeze. He looked no different, but even Masaomi couldn't deny there was a certain softness to his expression.

Curious, Masaomi asked, "So, what's my fatal flaw?"

Izaya grinned. "You don't acknowledge it as a flaw, therefore you can't fix it."

"Stop being cryptic, dammit," Masaomi snapped.

"Good luck, kid," Shizuo murmured, side-eyeing Izaya, though the man's grin did not waver.

"Kida Masaomi, your fatal flaw," Izaya began. "is that you can't forgive."

Masaomi frowned. "Way to be a narcissist." He abruptly rose from the bench, eager to turn his back to Izaya. "I don't even know why I asked."

Izaya sighed. "Masaomi-kun-"

"Just stay away from Saki and Mikado and Anri," were Masaomi's parting words as he disappeared into the night. With a long sigh, he made his way back to his apartment, closing the door a little harder than usual, alerting Saki of his presence.

"You're late," she called from the kitchen. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure, I guess."

Saki dropped what she was doing and made her way over to the couch, wrapping her arms around an exasperated Masaomi's neck comfortingly. "Doesn't sound like it."

"I saw Izaya."

"What happened?"

Masaomi hesitated. "...He told me my 'fatal flaw' is that I can't forgive."

Saki smiled against his hair. "He's right."

"Are you serious?"

Saki released her hold on him, taking a seat beside him and taking his hand in hers. "Masaomi, just think for a minute. Things are okay. Mikado's happy. Anri's happy. I'm happy. Izaya-san seems to be doing better himself."

"So?"

" _Think,_ " Saki pressed, gripping his hand firmly, desperately.

He did; believe him, he did, but nothing came to mind. Saki. Mikado. Anri. What else was there?

What else-

"Oh."

Saki released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

" _Oh._ "

. . .

They didn't talk about it; again, most likely against Masaomi's better judgement, but then again, Saki wasn't always vocal herself. The closest they came to having a proper discussion was months later, with Masaomi's graduation just around the corner.

"Do you want to go see my parents?"

It was completely out of the blue, and Saki almost gaped upon hearing him speak. In all the time they had been together, Saki had only seen Masaomi's parents once, when he first introduced her almost three and a half years ago.

Masaomi hadn't seen his parents since the incident.

"I'd love that."

. . .

The Kida household wasn't all that far from Raira Academy by any means, and it was almost laughable that Masaomi hadn't visited. He had to hold back his laughter as he walked hand in hand with Saki to his former home.

"Are you nervous?" Saki asked redundantly.

Now Masaomi could laugh. "About the fact that I'll be lucky to be alive later today? Definitely not."

Fortunately, his mother wasn't angry. Kida Hitomi wasn't the demon Masaomi might have pictured, though the anger he had braced for was replaced with unbearable sadness and pure relief. She froze in the doorway when she saw her son and his girlfriend, eighteen years old and all grown up standing outside her door when the last time she had seen them they had been nothing more than middle schoolers.

Masaomi was the first to get pulled into a hug, and Hitomi refused to let go for at least five minutes. Saki was second, her hug significantly shorter, though just as meaningful.

It was then that the demon was unleashed.

Masaomi's mother wasted no time grabbing him by the shirt collar, forcing him to look her directly in the eyes with that stern yet innocent smile of hers. "You have a lot of explaining to do, young man."

And explain he did. He spared no detail as he described his experience to his mother, watching her anger and sadness flicker in her eyes. The Yellow Scarves, Blue Square, Saki, Izaya, Izumii, Mikado, Anri, the fear, the unease, the doubt, the pain. For the first time in what felt like forever, he poured his heart out. Beside him, Saki beamed, gently holding his hand for reassurance.

"'If you think it's a flaw, fix it,'" His mother echoed. "I like that." She got up from her seat, gesturing for Masaomi to do the same before pulling him into another long hug. "Thank you for coming to see me." Right when he thought he was safe, she ruffled his hair aggressively. "Now you better not disappear on me again. I don't want to hear about you getting involved with gangs again in a few years."

"I promise, mom."

"You better."

Saki giggled, and Masaomi and his mother soon followed suit. Masaomi grasped for Saki's hand as they left, and they walked hand in hand back to their apartment, silently until Saki murmured, "I'm proud of you."

"It's not that big of a deal," Masaomi murmured dismissively.

"Baby steps."

"Ah, I think I just got hit with deja vu."  _I'll catch up to you one day, Saki._

"I can't wait."

"...Seriously, are you psychic?"

"Who knows?"

Maybe they would be alright after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Two fics in one month! (just barely) I'm already off to a much better start than I was expecting. I'll admit, this was a little rough at times. College is really draining. But, I did have fun with this! A little known fact is that Masaomi was my original favorite way back when, so it was really nice to have him in the spotlight...even if I drifted to Saki quite a bit. And Izaya. And occasionally the twins. I'll get to Izaya and the twins in a second, but can I just say that I love Saki? This fic gave me a newfound appreciation for her, and it made me fall in love with Masaomi all over again.
> 
> (Quick disclaimer, I took some creative liberties again. Masaomi's parents don't have canon names. that is all)
> 
> And now we move onto the apologies. As usual. This will most likely be the last fic I publish until December at the earliest. I have a good reason, though! I have two multi-chapter fics I've started working on! One is expected to have seven chapters while the other should have six, and while that might not seem like a lot, it definitely will be for me to find the time to write it all. Of course I'll only be working on them one at a time, but I like to have my multi-chapter fics finished completely before I publish, just in case.
> 
> Anyway! One of them is a rework of my old fic, Our Little Secret, which has gotten a surprising amount of traffic lately... (please don't read it, it's Bad) The brief glimpses with Izaya and the twins were meant to serve as a kind of segway into it, since it will focus on the twins after Izaya's disappearance. The other fic is a surprise!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! ♥ (And thank you in advance for your patience.) I'll consistently be updating the series notes if you want to stay updated. Well, I'll see you next time!


End file.
